So, What Happened?
I sat at home and tried to vibe with my new reality, whilst making no tangible progress towards improving my circumstances.
So, four years more or less disappeared.
What happened?
Fuck me, time flew by and nothing of substance happened. Well, we did have a pandemic that locked me in the house, and a Brexit that threw all my life plans out the window harder than a Russian oligarch who’s stepped out of line. Oh, and instead of capitalising on all this "free time" I sat at home and tried to vibe with my new reality, making no tangible progress towards improving my circumstances whatsoever.
No, that isn't true. I actually worked hard to earn enough money to leave London and move into a new home, and that did work out. I am actually really proud of myself for grinding out the work required to afford such an expensive manoeuvre in this economy.
It took me a full year to settle in at the new place, and work out new routines. Moving here was a wonderful change of scenery, not to mention that it’s a lot more quiet than life in the big city. We may have been on the outskirts of London, but it was never quiet. Here I have a lot of time to my thoughts, and our economic situation has improved substantially as everything is cheaper here.
Other than dealing with a harrowing, self-destructive death spiral where I keep trying to sabotage myself in an effort to prove that I don't deserve success or happiness, I am now uniquely positioned to take a few steps towards fixing myself and reach a quantifiable measure of gainful living.
I began easing myself into it in 2024, and in January this year I started writing ExoGenesis: So Apparently I’m a Space Camper Now?, a RimWorld inspired serial. I’ve also worked on some art and some games (one of which just won an award for my level design back in June!).
But that’s not all.
There’s a lot going on now, and I’m trying to pace myself so I don’t get overwhelmed and burn out again. Historically, that has been one of the biggest obstacles I’ve struggled with. I think it was a mistake to pretend it wasn’t a problem, so this time around I’m making an effort to share the mental health aspect of the ride too.
Anyway, that’s it for now. I will try to keep this journal going with a weekly updated on the current state of affairs.
Until next time,
Sten